Tonight-an Explanation, Lying on the ground

I. Drama bomb

Sometimes we fight,
Sometimes we're right,
And sometimes we're wrong.
Sometimes I hoped we'd get along.

I never wanted this to happen.
But it came down to decision.
Every problem locked inside my head
Bounced around 100 times-
Never said,
In hopes that it'd go away.

On the 101st time,
It moved to action.
"I have a problem"
And I'm begging for help.

I'm sorry.
I wasn't strong enough to fix it.
I'm sorry.
I wasted your time.
I'm sorry-I made you think about me-
Attention should be given and not taken.

II. Masks

Sometimes I pretend
That I'm someone else.
Things I liked about other people,
Things I wanted to be
I tried to be like them.
But sometimes I feel like I'm not.

Sometimes things happen.
I tell myself I don't care.
But not caring
Is not the same as not seeing.

Sometimes
I talk like others do
So that they can understand a fragment of my intentions.

Sometimes
I talk like I really talk
And nobody understands.

Sometimes I wish they would
That I wouldn't have to pretend to be like them.
That people would understand me

Without me having to explain every word.
Without me becoming who they assume I am.
I am who I am
And who you see is who you think I am.

III. I am not a ZephyClone

I like Orange
I am from Athena.
I am an Elf
I wear fancy clothes.

I am not Zephy.
I am Burningsky.
I am not a ZephyClone
I do not float like Zephyrwinds,
I am a Burningsky that changes the view.

Don't tell me who I am,
Don't tell me what to think.
I don't make sense [to you]
No matter how hard I try

Because I don't think how you do,
I am emotional and passionate
Impulsive and fleeting.
But I won't hesitate to burn everything to the ground
If I think it's right.

I am not a ZephyClone
If you think I should make ZephySense
I cannot, because I am not Zephy.
If you can't understand
Maybe you should stop trying
To understand and try to listen
Instead.

IV. Ghost Trigger

One of the reasons I play
Is to meet people I care about.
I try
Harder than I should.
To care about people.

And others don't
Know the difference.
Between bright eyes
And soulless eyes.

Between NPCs and PCs,
It's all the same to you.
The more you understand
The more comfortable you are

So let's not go any further,
Rest the mind.
And stop trying.



















Sometimes nobody realizes when I'm not here.
Sometimes it doesn't matter if I'm here or not.
Neither needed, nor noticed
And I hate that.

V. Pondering Goodbyes

A guild
Is a group of people who work together
Achieve common goals
And talk about similar ambitions.

So then, differences that ruin this function
Need to be dealt with.


I like you guys individually.
But we can be friends.
And not guildmates.
Maybe I'm in the wrong guild.

Sometimes
I want to leave.
When the things I hate increase
And the things I love decrease.
When I start to hate the things I loved
Because they get too close together.

I'm afraid of pain
Of drama
Sometimes I want to delete everything
Run away
Screaming
Because I'm too embarrassed to say it out loud.

I
Didn't want conversation.
I don't want to be told how I feel,
I don't need to know your answer.
This is not a change in anything I have done,
Merely an explanation.

Lying on the ground,
Lying through my teeth.
Holding back a world of depression, anger and loneliness.
At my lowest point.

I know I need help
But it's not my place to ask.
Attention should be given, and not taken.
And if helping me means getting hurt

I will refuse help and wait for someone
Who can help without me hurting them.

Even if it is "Goodbye" for now.

I don't think anyones gonna get hurt even if you ask em to help you out. Guild members can still be friends for when you need or want help and personally, I don't think there is any guild out there much better than Athena atm thatll even give 2 shets about other peoples problems.

If you really think no one notices you then you should prolly just try to do something to get yourself noticed. Anyways though, personally I think you're already pretty much a a core component to Athena. Athena is like a family to me as well even if we might not know each other much more than as chars in a game, I do care a lot for the people in it since I spend more time with em than anyone else in real life. Even the afkers like Zephy and Juno.

And I've never seen anyone relate you to Zephy enough to warrant that being an issue though...but sometimes people do like to mess around. If you feel it's too much you should tell em. No one in the guilds a psychic so unless you talk, no one elsell know.

Finally, our guild has always been rather loose, with all of us doing our own thing and once in a while helping each other out when possible. And honestly, some of us don't even work well together. I doubt we even have a common goal in Athena either. For me especially, I just wanna do my own thing and have fun since this is a game as well.

If you really feel like this isn't the right guild for you though, I wont stop you from leaving. A few of us sometimes wanna try out new things once in a while too. I used to do it myself when I was a pvper. And Train also left recently too trying to look for a new guild to meet new people even though he also loved Athena. But regardless of your choice, I think we'll always welcome you back into the guild any time if you do decide you to leave.

Whatever you do is your own choice to make. And since this is a game, you should do what you think is fun. If it's not fun for you, then it kinda messes up the point of playing a game.